SuccessQuest Podcast

Jacob and Kalob discuss how to become socially successful. We talk about what it means to be an effective communicator, what being socially successful can do for you (the benefits), and also how you can take steps toward becoming more socially successful. 

Social Success

• Social Success: the ability to successfully build relationships and navigate social environments.

We communicate through 

• body language
• Listening
• physical touch
• and much more

Why does it matter?

• Unfortunately, it’s easy to be antisocial. Technology has enabled the avoidance of social interaction. 

The 6 Health Benefits Of Being Social

1. You’re Less Likely To Catch A Cold
2. You’ll Fight Off Depression
3. You Get Better Sleep
4. You’re More Productive
5. Your Brain Stays Sharper
6. You’ll Live Longer

Family Relationships

• Family is the #1 priority

Tips:

• When you’re home, be home.
• Put away the smart phone. 
• Spend quality time with spouse and kids. 
• Be INTENTIONAL about your family relationships

5 Love Languages - Dr. Gary Chapman

• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Receiving Gifts
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch

Relationships outside of the home

An Introvert’s Guide to Becoming More Social

• Start small
• Chat with strangers
• Don’t get overwhelmed by those who speak too much
• Learn to act like likeable people do
• Don’t be afraid of silence
• Don’t control yourself all the time
• Find a hobby that’s social
• Go and smile to someone!

Business Relationships

“Healthy business relationships are the foundation of any successful business, large or small” - The Importance of Healthy Business Relationships

Tips:

• Be authentic
• Develop Mutual Respect
• Offer something before asking for something
• Plan something fun to do - outside of work. Go networking together, meetups, events, (business related) etc. 

(These tips come from the article 11 Ways to Build Solid, Strong, Lasting Business Relationships)

Balance

• If you’re at home, be home.
• If you’re at work, be at work. 

25 Tips to Help You Improve Any Relationship in Your Life

Jacob Links:

• Jacob’s Website
• Jacob’s LinkedIn
• Jacob's Twitter: @jacob_m_harmon

Kalob Links:

• Kalob’s LinkedIn

SuccessQuest Links:

• Website
• Blog
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Twitter: @MySuccessQuest
• Email: podcast@MySuccessQuest.com

Kalob: Hey there, and welcome back to the SQHQ with another episode of SuccessQuest. I'm Kalob Valle. 

Jacob: And I'm Jacob Harmon. 

Kalob: And today we're going to continue our journey discussing the successes of Life namely social success. So social success is best defined as the ability to successfully build relationships and navigate social environments. We live in a world jam-packed with communication. It's absolutely something we couldn't live without and as humans, we naturally seek out communication through a variety of methods. It is an understanding and implementing these different methods that create successful communicators. It's not just enough that we talked with people communication is much more than the words that come out of our mouths. We communicate through body language listening physical touch and much more. And today we want to discuss what it means to be effective Communicator. What being socially successful can do for you and also how you can take steps toward becoming more socially successful. 

Jacob: Yeah, for sure. I studied both Spanish and computer science at the University level and. Both of those are in a way communication Spanish is obviously a language and I took a lot of linguistic courses, but then also computer science. It's in and of itself. It's a language to be able to communicate electronically and through computers and one of the things that really fascinated me during my studies was to learn that humans were unique all animals communicate with each other but humans are different because we can communicate abstract ideas. We can communicate stories and we can have a shared social connection that no other no other living organism has ever had and so being socially active and having a tight Social Circle is incredibly important to us 

Kalob: leading from that. I want to talk about just how important those how important relationships are in general how important it is to be socially active because. We live in a society where it may seem best to become more isolated. You know, what technology how it is. It's easy to stay at home playing video games watch all your favorite videos Netflix binge all that stuff. You don't need it seemingly. You don't need to go outside your own home. You can even deliver ubereats now, right? You don't need to do anything where you have two highly communicate if you really wanted to you can avoid all of it, but how detrimental. Is it to your health not to be socially active? Well, I want to go to an article that I found and it talks about the six health benefits of being social now. These are health physical health benefits. And the first one it lists here is that scientifically this is a study that they did. Okay. This is really cool that you're less likely to catch the common cold. By being more socially active which is kind of interesting because you think that being around more people would actually give you more chances of being more sick. However, they're This research found that extroverts have the highest level of immune system functioning interesting and the actual case study is linked in the article as well. The second health benefit of being socially active is that you'll fight off the pression and we all know that in America or in United States, maybe even in the whole world depression and anxiety are huge mental illnesses that people are facing. In huge numbers across the nation. Unfortunately, there are there are those who have to deal with it on a day-to-day basis, you know, it's horrible, but it's crazy. This study shows that being socially active actually helps fight off depression amazing next that you get better sleep next that you're more productive. I mean, there's so many studies that show that your brain stays sharper from just merely. Interacting with people around you interacting with your family or friends in your Social Circles that it actually has a dramatic effect on your well-being your health. And I love the last one. It says you'll live longer and they had another study from Brigham Young University to that found that people with social. Lived 50 percent longer than people who are more socially isolated. That's a huge percentage. It's incredible what being socially active can do and and it's important that we're talking about how to be more socially successful. 

Jacob: We've divided social relationships into three different categories. We're going to be talking about our family relationships are social relationships outside of the home like friends. And also business relationships are work relationships and to start us off. We're going to be talking about our family relationships and we've talked a little bit about this in past episodes of this podcast, but we just want to remind you family is the number one priority. There's nothing more important to me than my wife and children and I'm sure it's the same for you Kalob. Honestly, that is the most important thing if I lost my job or if I lost some of my best friends.  You know, I could get over that. I could I could get a new job or make new friends, but. My wife and my children those relationships are absolutely essential and we've got a few different tips for you to improve your relationships at home. First when your home be home, this is something that I struggle with sometimes. I know that nowadays. It's so easy to get sucked into the phone right? Sometimes I'll be sitting two feet away from my wife and I'll just be scrolling on my phone. Where we could be having an enriching conversation, we could be deepening our relationship. But no, I'm deciding to just look at my phone, right? So when you're home try to be home, don't bring work home unless of course you have to there are some jobs where you have to but try to really focus on being present exactly and I already mentioned put away your smartphone spend quality time with your spouse with your kids. Find something that you enjoy doing the other find a hobby that you can do as a family. This is something that my wife and I have have tried to do and we've kind of struggled with it a little bit because we have different interests and that's not necessarily a bad thing Anne and I have have different interests, but it's important that we spend time together and that we find things that we enjoy doing together. And the last thing that I'll say is just be intentional about your family relationships because you're constantly with them. It's easy to Let It Go on the back burner. It's easy to think. Oh, I see them every single day. It's it just becomes a routine part of your life. But if if you make it an intentional part of your life make goals. Right think about specific things you can do to better your relationship with your spouse with your kids. And when it becomes an intentional thing your relationships will improve. 

Kalob: That was really powerful. I love the word and the use of the word intentional in the way you were describing that because. Yeah, you don't want to just get stuck in the Rut of life, right? You want to actually be present and creative and do things that are out of the norm to show that you're there with your family. I think that's really cool. Very cool. Thank you for sharing that Jacob. I'll actually wanted to get into a book that I read with my wife when we first got married and this is called five love languages. I'm sure you've heard of it listeners. It's a very famous book around the world by dr. Gary Chapman and. He dives into how important it is that all of us keep our love tanks full and this is not just between husband and wife or spouse has this is actually between any relationship. This can be friends family your pets. I mean, it's obviously going to be harder to figure out what kind of love language your pet has but he discusses how important it is that you have that love tank constantly full and that you learn. Your love language and the love language is of others so you can help keep their love tanks full and that's why we read the book when we first got married. That way we could understand each other on a different level and I wanted to just read what those lovely which is were first words of affirmation second acts of service third receiving gifts. Fourth quality time and fifth physical touch. Those are the five love languages that he shares in his book that everyone everyone falls under one of those categories and I thought that was really incredible and I wanted to obviously learn mine and I figured through that book that my love language is words of affirmation. And it was interesting learning that because I obviously recognized how true it was in my life. And what was more credible was that once my wife learned that that was my love language. How often she tried to implement?  Giving me that love language and I can't tell you how much that means to me. Like when when you have someone in your life, especially a family member who is helping. Love you more in the way. You need to be loved. Everything feels better everything just becomes more amazing and then you reciprocate that by giving them the love language. They they deserve it's an amazing book. I suggest that everyone all my listeners pick up that book at some point or another in their life and read that because that can be a life-changing book. We're excited about being able to implement that with our children and I tried implemented as much as I can. My wife and I are constantly looking at different people and saying like man, this is probably their love language. How can we. Give that to them and I think it's a very impactful book very helpful with relationships in general but moving on to pass the family relationships how important social relationships are right? Because some people I mean family isn't the first line of defense and even if it is your first line of defense friends are still incredibly important. There's a great article that I found talking about introverts and extroverts. And I wanted to just share some of the the suggestions it gives because not all of us are really good at being social and that's the point of this podcast like some of us are really good at being social and getting out there and having tons of friends, but then there's some of us a lot of us that are introverts and that don't know exactly how to get out there and to be socially accepted, you know, because it can be socially awkward. That's the phrase that people use most often. How is it that we can then be better introverts? Because we understand obviously we talked already about the benefits of being socially active. How can we as introverts? This is for all you introverts. How can you become more socially active? Well this article and we're going to link this in the description of the pockets later. I want you guys to go check it out. It's absolutely incredible. It talks about. How the world really is tailored for extroverts and how you as an introvert can fit in more and get the benefits of being socially active and the first step. I love I'm not going to go through all the steps. I want you guys to go ahead and read this on your own time, but the first step is start small to not try to suddenly take huge steps and become more social than you need you have to do it slowly and if you have a tendency to do things alone, just try going one step further and. I just love that because that's what that's everything success quizzes about it's all about taking baby steps and not trying to shoot for the stars on the first day. It's about waking up in the morning and taking that next step and continually progressing towards bettering yourself. And then the reason we're talking about this is because being socially active can help you so for you introverts out there don't check out this article. It's absolutely incredible and it can really help you. Receive all the the gifts that come from being more social. 

Jacob: The third type of relationship we're going to talk about is business relationships. A lot of us have jobs 9 to 5 jobs where we're working and we have to deal with bosses and co-workers. Some of us are entrepreneurs or business owners, but we still have to deal with clients customers and maybe a partner a business partner. There's a lot of different complicated. In intertwining relationships in and owning or running or being a part of a business. And so we have a few tips for you to better those business relationships. First up we have is be authentic. I know that when I'm trying to do business with someone or I'm trying to purchase a product I can see from a mile away if that person is is being inauthentic if they're just trying to sell something right and they don't. In the product so always be authentic in your business relationships. Another thing you can do is develop mutual respect. Okay, whether this is with the boss or a co-worker a customer if you respect them and they respect you then all of the business transactions are going to go much much better. And this is this one's actually probably my favorite out of the list this third one but offer something before you ask something. In business you want to offer value to people you're not selling a product but you're selling a result you're selling value and interestingly. That's kind of what we're trying to do with SuccessQuest to kind of pull back the curtain and give you a little of the psychology behind what we're trying to do. We're offering a lot of free value. You haven't paid anything to listen to this podcast. You don't have to pay anything to read our blog posts or see our posts on social media. We're trying to offer value to this community and eventually yes, we might want to get some value in return. But the number one thing you need to do is you need to give more than you take. Offer more value than you take from someone else and the fourth suggestion that we have for business relationships is do something outside of work go to a networking meeting or a Meetup or an event. Maybe you could go to some sort of conference with someone right? There's a lot of different ways that you can interact socially with your business associates outside of your normal day-to-day.

Kalob: I love that and going back to when Jacob was talking about offering something before asking for something. That's huge. That's huge not just in business to that could be in everyday life. When you give more value than what you're seeking. It can be much more healthy for you in the long run and for your relationship with that other person or individual. I wanted to give another shout-out to the book that I've just finished give and take you can find a lot of our reading list on our websites and I truly recommend that book because it has a lot to do. That concept of offering something before asking because in reality, although it may seem like everyone should have a taker mentality when it comes to business or work relationships is always going to be better. If you have a giver mentality, I actually want to share a story from the book. Okay, and this book or is called give and take by Adam Grant and. In the book, it shares a story about well, it's not a story. It's a study actually that the psychologist was doing and he went to high tier schools and two different jobs, like construction and doctors and he asked them all to take a very complex survey which in simple terms was asking their colleagues to rate each other on whether or not they were givers or taker. For example, it would the server would ask you like, okay, do you think so and so do that does that person help you? With your work your payload or your homework and you would say yes, and that would make them more of a giver than a taker like and they didn't expect things in return. They went out of their way to help you with something right those are attributes of givers and it was interesting because at the very end, they took the results from the surveys and found out who of the people of the hundred or 200 people from each group, we're givers and takers and the question the book then asks is of those groups. There is also the best workers and the worst workers or the best students in the worst students and the book asks you who do you think the worst students were givers are takers mentality.  And that's hard because you're like, oh you hope it's the takers right? Because like it but ends up being the givers. The givers end up being the worst in all those categories they end up being the worst students. They end up being the worst workers end up being the worst colleagues and academically like, okay. So like the bought that's from the bosses view that's from the school's view right? Not like because they're horrible people it's for because that they don't have time for their homework because they're helping other people. They don't have time to do their own tasks because they're helping other people that it's how it's bad for them. But then the book asks, who do you think are the best. Just of the students or the best of the workers givers are takers and it's givers again, which is absolutely amazing in the book goes to the talk about what it is about being a giver that can bring you to the top and it's an absolutely incredible book, but in all reality being a giver having that mentality of offering something without expecting something in return is probably. Some of the greatest advice that we give you.  

Jacob: The moral of the story is you want to be a giver but you also don't want to let people run over you. That's the because that's what the books about because sometimes sometimes I know that I can be a little bit like that. Maybe I'm a little too nice sometimes and I can let people take advantage of that. So. You want to be a giver because helping other people and providing value is good and it's actually good for you to in the long run. It's even though you're being unselfish it can end up. Providing good results for you to steal Mike go to our website download the book. Seriously. It's going to be one of the best reads you run a long time, but you just got to make sure that you're giving but also pretty firm you you just because you want to be a nice person and you want to have a good social relationship doesn't mean you should let someone else take advantage of you or walk all over you. Yeah, you you also need to be a little bit of. Because you need to protect yourself and you need to stand up for what you believe in. So there is a balance there and I mean shoot we could do an entire podcast just on that balance, so. We keep saying stuff like that. I think we have a lot of topics 

Kalob: writing them all down for you guys. No worries. 

Jacob: And one other thing I wanted to say real quick about family relationships social relationships outside of the family and business relationships is once again, we come to that word of balance, right? It's important that you have relationships in all of these areas and by definition if you're focusing on work, You're ignoring your family. If you're focusing on family, you're ignoring work. So it's a really really difficult thing to balance. But that's why at the beginning of the podcast I mentioned if you're at home be at home be there be present if you're at work be at work be working hard, right? Just take advantage of every moment that you have to focus on those important relationships.

Kalob: Hey guys, thanks for listening to this episode of SuccessQuest about social success. We are so excited to continue our journey on talking and discussing these life successes with you guys. We have two more and of course, these are just cream of the crop, right? This is the tip of the iceberg. This is not all of what the successes Encompass. We're just trying to cover as. Much as we can in this short period of time that we get with you guys, but stay tuned for our next podcast. And if you if this podcast meant something to you if you learned one thing new this podcast was worth it. Okay. I want you to go and rate us. Give us a good rating share this with your friends. And keep up with the the next podcast that we're going to have you guys are fantastic and we are so excited to continue this journey with you guys. 

Jacob: As always you can send us an email at podcast@MySuccessQuest.com, or you can post on social media using the hashtag ask s q HQ which stands for SuccessQuest headquarters and we will. Either incorporate your question or comment into the podcast or respond to you. We really want this to be a community effort. We don't want to just be talking to the wall. So please send us any comments or suggestions or if you have something in particular. You think we didn't cover or send us a MP3 file just take out your phone and record yourself and email it to us, and we'd be happy to actually put it in the podcast to thank you again for everything and have a successful day.